Being Truthful
Lying to those around us and crafting a persona may seem like the smartest and fastest ways to fit in. However, slowly but surely, we forget who we were in the first place. Eventually, the people for whom we've adopted this persona will leave, and we'll be left standing, not knowing who we are. I started lying to others, but ultimately I was lying to myself.
I always found myself desperately trying to fit in. Lying to those around us and crafting a persona may seem like the smartest and fastest ways to fit in. However, slowly but surely, we forget who we were in the first place. Eventually, the people for whom we've adopted this persona will leave, and we'll be left standing, not knowing who we are. I started lying to others, but ultimately I was lying to myself.
While it's important to have a variety of experiences, at this point, I was merely stretching myself thin between my different personas. I became a character relatable to any group but lacking deeper meaning. There was no deeper meaning behind my actions, aside from pleasing a group. I can’t tell the difference between trying to fit in or if this is who I am.
I realized I needed to become an extrovert to please society. Nowadays, people call me extroverted, and I'm uncertain how to react because part of me wants to believe them, and I think it's partially true. But at heart, it's just a skill I developed over time, a topic I've explored in many books. My journal is filled with entries breaking down conversations, analyzing what I could have done better, and planning how to engage more effectively with people next time. None of this came intuitively to me, and I find it quite pitiful how many mistakes I make in conversations.
Building meaningful relationships is nearly impossible if all you do is lie. I can’t tell if my friends would stay my friends if they knew the whole me, but they just know a part, and I don’t know the whole me either. I only show people what they agree with, avoiding conflict at all costs. I don't want to lose my friends, yet I continue to ignore aspects of them with which I fundamentally disagree.
I often shy away when people talk to me about this blog, as it represents who I am, and it showed me that even if I put this out there, I can’t face other people knowing my true self. It’s kind of a weird state to be in: wanting to share so much, yet unable to face it when people inquire. The even weirder part is I can’t tell if I’m just bending my feelings to feel this way as a character or if this is the real me writing this.
As I continued lying, the line between the truth faded away. Amid all the lying, I lost the truth, my true self. I believe the true self within us all is seeking expression, but in fear of what others think we repress our natural tendency. After some time, the true self slowly loses its voice as we succumb to the ideals of society.
Not telling the truth is a dangerous road to insanity. It might help you here and there, win some friends over, and perhaps look smarter, but at the end of the day, when it's just you alone, and you realize that the lies you've been telling have been hurting yourself, you’ll look deep within to find a shadow of your true self, incapable of having original thought. I found myself at a spot not too long ago, but there is hope, there is always hope for the person who wants to be better.
I began to write my thoughts, which were composed of the small truth that held me together as a person. On these fundamental ideas, I'm not entirely there yet, but I am well on my way. I see the quality of relationships improving, and this year I have more friends than ever before.
Thanks for reading. 🙂
