Do it
I share my thoughts with the world on how I will conduct myself to align with my new knowledge, but I am slipping. I take the wrong way even when it says it’s the wrong way and I know it. I see myself saying things and doing things that don’t align wi
I share my thoughts with the world on how I will conduct myself to align with my new knowledge, but I am slipping. I take the wrong way even when it says it’s the wrong way and I know it. I see myself saying things and doing things that don’t align with what I think. The second the word gets to the tip of my tongue I think I shouldn’t say this, but I say it anyway. I have entire conversations with people that I shouldn’t have. Almost every thought I have is contradictory, in my mind I reopen arguments that have been closed already.
I decided to write weekly at least once on this blog and post it even if it's bad, so I can get feedback and get better. Yet, I still don’t end up writing. I make excuses in my head, 'Oh, this is too bad to publish' or 'I can’t write because I’m at home'. I thought about moving out to get more time in my life, to rid myself of all the excuses.
Lo and behold, there I sat in my new apartment, completely alone, with all the time in the world. I thought I would write, but instead, I worked out, caught up with friends, and even tried to learn how to cook. I still didn’t write. It hit me then; it doesn’t matter where I am or who is sitting beside me. I have the agency to write, or to do anything with my time.
However, I did end up losing around 4k of the money I painstakingly washed tables and sold shoes to get, but I did learn something. I can do it. I can write or do anything I want. I have the control, and it's ME not doing it. All I had to do was write. The resistance to change, to write, or to do anything comes from not doing it in the first place.
All I have to do is start. I was searching for something profound, a specific concept in our psyche, a hack or a video or a book to read so I could start. I thought maybe the resistance was my friends or family. But it was just excuses. I realized I knew this already, and I’m sure you did too; after all, it's very obvious. Do the things you want to do.
What was the resistance? It’s the part of me that didn’t want to write and confront the unknown. The inherent fear of trying to do something and failing. What if someone said my writing sucks, or someone pointed out that I lost 4k just like that, on a whim. But the fear of people making fun of me is nothing compared to the sadness I feel sitting as someone who didn’t even try. Time is running out for me, soon I’ll turn 20 and I want to be someone that I can be proud of.
I hope everyone is doing good, and if you aren’t doing good, we can talk about it. Thanks for reading guys 🙂
