In my younger years, I have often thought about what I would do if I knew I was going to die tomorrow. I would play tanki online, and I would ask my mother to give buy me Lays, then I would sit there and play and eat. Two things that I loved the most until the end. That was probably the life goal as well when I was 12.
As time went on, I pondered what I would do if my life ended tomorrow. I think I would live life largely the same. I would go to school, I'd see my friends for the last time. I would study and figure out some final concepts. I'd publish my personal journal, which dates back since 2020. It has all the personal issues that I was going through big or small. I would probably tie up loose relationships, apologize where I need to, right now I don't have anyone to apologize to. Everyone that I loved, I feel like I tell them often enough, and sometimes even if I dont I think they know I love them, but it's also good to hear. In my younger years, probably 5-12. I genuinely used to think that my father hated me, and I didn't feel loved. For everyone reading, I used to be a terrible child. I would get into trouble all the time, and rightfully so, my father would tell me that I'm turning to somewhat of a problem. I used to take that very personally, but even there I understood something critical. It doesn't matter whether you are loved or not, It only matters how much you love the people around you. The joy of many relationships doesn't come from being loved, but from being with someone that you love. If you live through this, then you only have to worry about being kind, caring and loving to those around you, instead of expecting anything back. The fruit is in the giving not in the receiving. To conclude, I feel like I would die a very happy death, with plenty more to learn and plenty more to do, but nonetheless looking back I lived a beautiful life.
I'LL MAKE SOMETHING VERY CLEAR, THIS IS JUST AN EXERCISE. I WOULD NOT KILL MYSELF.