Feb 19th : Life is Insane

Everytime I get closer to understanding the meaning of life, I get pushed back into the void of confusion. I can remember distinctly when I was 14 and 18, and very recently at 20 that I figured out life. I had the meaning in my hand I was ready to enact it, but every time I enact my supreme theory, something falls apart. Every single time its centered around my interpretation of philosophy, and then when I finally understand what the philosophy. I think that's the key to life. All their arguments make sense, and I adopt that line of thinking. It'll work great for so long and I'll be so happy knowing that I have found the answer, then bam! I'm upset about something that I can't control, but I can't control my reaction either, its a pitiful feeling. When you know you shouldn't react or feel a certain way, but you do anyway. There is only a certain level of control I have over my irrationality, in a weird way this irrationality is uniquely myself. I wonder if I can overcome this irrationality, or is this something I'm making up because I'm lazy and I want to blame something inside me instead of facing the issue. Is this even an issue? I'm not sure but I'll keep trying to figure it out. One piece of the puzzle, that I recently put together is that its most likely involving other people not myself, and that meaning is not something you verbalize rather something you live out. The issue then is that clarity is tied to verbalization or some sort communicative medium, so meaning is something that lacks clarity? Is there a real reason as to why one should be able to communicate their meaning outside of oneself ?


If you read this and you don't understand what I'm saying then we're on the same page.