Focus
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My writing hasn’t been that good for the past month. There is no real depth to what I’m saying. I’m just chronologically listing things in my life, no real insight to anything. I’m not shocked that the quality of my writing has dropped. I’m working full-time on the startup and I need to write for the sake of the company. Also, I’m not writing 3 pages a day like I used to, some days I don’t write at all, but I want to get back to at least 1 page a day. The startup is cool, I really love my life right now, although an important note is focusing on one thing starves off other areas of my life. The quality of the blog has dropped, and everyone, the blog is an afterthought, but even more affects me is I can’t do everything I want to do. Since I’ve been working in construction, I’ve got more stories and unique experiences and area I think about, when I’m sweeping is comedy. I’ve got jokes on jokes and so many bars regarding primes and drywall. Also this is something I’m always going to feel. The truth is I have to enjoy this life, because what matters is how good you are at something and that takes effort and focus.
Rant
One thing that’s truly been pissing me off is that I can’t take my own advice to the extent that I want to. I try to live a life based on simple principles, but it seems I can’t abide them. like for example waking up at 5 AM, it’s not that hard to do, but I miss days or another simple thing is being talking to people. I wouldn’t say I’m horrible but I do forget things sometimes. It’s like theres someone in me that’s thwarting my progress towards virtue, that someone's me I guess. I’m not sure what I’ll do the in future but I’m getting really frustrated with not being able to follow my own principles. It’s not even like I want to be perfect but I know I can do better than this right now. I’m not talking about being rich, gaining power or fame. What’s pissing me off is why can’t I do the things I set out to do? why do I always fall to the wayside, sometimes I feel like this is out of my control. I can make my system tighter, and set up guard rails to prevent outburts, but systems in real life always fall apart. I’m not stoic enough I think is the reason, things get me down. If someone yells at me or if I accidentally do something dumb on the road, and someone honks at me, or if I act in a way contrary to how I should’ve acted I’m not able to get back on track immediately. I let it mess some of my day up, so I wanna get better at remaining centered.