June 17th 2025

I’ve been trying new things to conquer my vicious nature, is that in violation of doing things for a certain end than a means? Has that been the issue all along, trying to fix the “problems” instead of living life. Looking at all the hours in the day as part of an algorithm, how can I wake up an hour early or start sleeping a certain to sleep more efficiently, never to enjoy life but to always optimize it. Can life be parameterized? can I really boil it down to a couple statistics on how one should live universally , like getting PR on bench, is life as simple as benchpress? Is it morally wrong to optimize life? I can see why I could fall into this “trap” since largely everything measurable is an optimization problem. These are the lowest hanging fruit, of life, since it would be easy to know you have been living right as long as that quantity, most popularly money is going up. In my case I’m trying to have an impact which is also just a number. Instead of admiring life this can be inhibitory, getting us to chase the wrong things because I cannot think critically about how we live, just in reference to the metric. On the bright side, the parameterized life may lead to growth and self development since you are always trying to optimize a couple key characteristics.However on this journey you could get lost in the pursuit of goals and not see life in the interrelated, beautiful mess that it is. In this new world, we seem to forget that there is an extreme of ambition, which might not be the best. I feel like if you can harness a higher level of ambition specific to our craft, then that is great true purpose. When you can work so hard, but is seems so fun for you, others may see it as the grind but for yourself it is the most fun to do.

Listening to my my inner voice is something I have to work on, it’s been so long since I’ve let things just flow

The quality of questions especially the uncomfortable ones that you may ask other and yourself be the tool that guides you intelligently in life. The base tools of life may be a curious thought or question. I wonder if the word question is watering down the purpose essentially “something that makes you think “, which can be a phrase, picture or music as long as it makes you think

In the artist way the author talked about the replenishing your inner artist with sensorial experiences such as walk to again more pictures. I think there’s something more to picture and music, something trancenstand honestly words can be quite analytic.