June 9th : Empty

I saw my friend Garet at the gym today, I used to see him everyday during high school. We would skip class together, and hangout during lunch. I had not seen him for the past 2 years, it was nice chatting with him. I feel like high school was just yesterday and bam! 2 years went by instantly.

I haven't had much motivation to do anything this past week, but it ends with today. I've had an air of emptiness to my days lately, perhaps its the lack of meaning. I wake up in the middle of the day usually. I read a little bit, and then I watch youtube for hours sometimes. Two months ago, I never thought I'd indulge in this fashion. It goes to show that it's often the system not the person, that's in charge of behaviour. I had 6 classes, part time job and a club to look after. I made it happen, now I have one class, and all my dreams to focus on. For some reason the urgency is not there with my dreams, the goals that I've wanting to pursue, that I dreamt of working on when school was over. Those are the things not being done. I have to figure out a way to incorporate that into my life.

Mathematics, I want to understand math more. I stopped understanding Math, when we started Calculus I in high school. For reference, I'm on Calc III now, I can do the questions fine. I realized that I was taking many things for granted in calculus. Calculus is essentially finding the slope of a curve and the area beneath it. It is amazing how using limits we can find the exact value of the area. Furthermore, Newton and Leibniz , found calculus at the same time independently, meaning it was a intuitive natural step. I'm failing to see how they discovered it. I find it absolutely magical that we can approach infinity and 0, two things that are bizzare on their own.