Living alone

I’ve been living alone for like 3 months, and these past weeks have been so tough, it’s like every week I’m learning something new about myself. I’m getting challenged so many ideas.

I miss Edmonton and my family and friends so so so so so so so much. I tried toughing it out for the entirety of the summer. I really tried to just be that guy that’s just super locked in. Honestly I miss everyone, and it’s like why am I even doing all this if I don’t mess with the people. I swear everyone including myself just thinks you can make new friends and just live on, but it’s so hard. I really tried to put myself out there, the first month here I’m pretty sure I talked to one person on the train, both ways there and back so 2 people a day to build my network. but then I stopped doing that because the friends I have in Edmonton aren’t people I met yesterday, they know so much about me, and I’ve spent so much time with them, and I feel like there’s a real community, after Ualberta I felt like I just started meeting so many people, and I thought I was just so good at making friends or something, but the reality was that I just tons of friends and everyone just started connecting, like in Edmonton, since knowing people is kind of an exponential curve, because when you only know like 2 people it’s really hard to have many friends. Essentially, the more people you know the more people they can introduce you to and make new friends. I don’t value having many friends but having many friends increases the odds of having great friends. I have so many friends in edmonton to the point where I have great relationships with great people, and that’s something I just started by talking to strangers and suddenly, like people know people and everyone just becomes a connect or two away. Restarting is hard , I think the best way to do it, is to be apart of a community. I feel like after I was active in the first year engineering club, the number of relationships grew like 10 fold. I feel like I was meeting 5 new people a day. That’s something I want to get back into, just involvement with the community. I feel like that’s something I undervalued.

I’ve been back home on the every 2nd weekend, but moving away from community really has it’s fallbacks. I fucking miss walking outside in Edmonton, literally going anywhere and just running into people I know, and if I’m in university I’m dapping up every single guy that’s walking down the hall. It’s a small thing but I feel like I’m so tapped in with the community. It has it’s ups and downs, one upside is that I just I just love talking to people and its a good time but the downside is that when the community goes away life is just so bleak. I feel like the different, variety of people in my life really give me all my personality.

I’m really grateful for my friends, I like how they just kinda like me for me. I have some friends that I just don’t need to impress anymore, I don’t have to try and be someone else I can just be myself and they’ll support me. I remember sitting in SUB and telling them I’m gonna be a standup comedian, and they supported me.

I want to make more friends, that’s something I’ve never been able to shake, no matter how productive I get, if some random pulls up next to me and starts talking to me, the next 3 hours are RIP.

To conclude, I just want to say I really love all my friends. I’m failing to put this into words, but something I realized is that a lot of my insecurities just come from not being accepted, but when I’m with my friends I can just be me, and that’s enough. I can’t give my friends enough credit, and every description falls short of how much I adore them.

I hope to God, I can keep all my friends.

A special thanks to Jack, Clovis, Gustavo, Nick, Nikhil for being my good friends. I really really really appreciate you guys, and I hope we can hang out more this summer and keep in touch as the years go by.