September 13th

I really like writing and I miss writing as much as I did during the summer. This past summer, I grew as a person through writing. Amongst several reasons, the biggest one was accurately writing about how I was feeling, specifically understanding that problems may take more than one writing session. Furthermore, being content in the journey of solving the problem. For me, this was understanding the role I wanted to play in life, specifically what type of career I wanted to have. I still haven’t figured it out but I’m moving closer everyday. Another super important thing was consciously thinking about people in my life, and thinking about relationships, and starting a family, but it seems so far away. I eventually came to the conclusion that, as long as I’m surrounded with people I want to be around then, through that I should meet more people that I want to be around, and maybe in the future that will be someone I want to start a family with. This is especially hard, because as youth, we are all in the discovery of ourselves and others.

A couple days ago I was praying to God, that I would wake up the next day, so I can have a chance to be happy that day. I truly think you can be happy no matter what, rather than a fleeting feeling, for me happiness is a cultivable skill that can enrich yourself and the people around you.

I have to start reframing from black and white, Non-productive time vs productive time to a healthy continuum. Even when I’m thinking some thoughts that I shouldn’t be thinking . It’s still not a total waste of time because I’m working through it. The regular thoughts that come into my head that I try to supress make up the real me. Acknowledging those thoughts and truly understanding what I feel will help me move past it. In other words, all thoughts make up who I am, and I like who I am, but I might have to not like who I am for a little bit to figure out what thoughts I want to invest in.

I have to reframe spending time with people as a loss of time because genuinely I think that may be the one of the greatest pleasures in life. Everyday above ground is a useful one.

Bones a little crooked, the three piece bone used to be one bone back in my day.

Here’s a video with no CONTEXT